It’s fun how complicated and simple all this personal growth stuff can be. In some moments we become mired in self-analysis, a desire to understand and transform, and the very process itself keeps us stuck. We can become fixed on “getting it right” and “figuring it out.” Other times, it all seems so simple; it’s hard to imagine we were ever stuck.

A simple rule of thumb I remember from kindergarten is, “be nice.” In any given moment, whether its psychologically loaded or an issue of little meaning, you can always take a deep breath, then take another deep breath, step away from the situation for just a moment (in your mind or physically) and then simple ask yourself, “how can I be nice.” It means “how can I bring kindness to my thoughts and actions.” You don’t need to analyze or understand the reaction you are having or the other person’s motives. You can just be compassionate – be nice. You know what that looks like. Don’t wait for the perfect feeling or motive, just be nice.

One note – remember that being nice doesn’t mean being a doormat for others or always giving people what they want. “Be nice” goes both ways… for you and what you are dealing with. Mutual kindness. Try it for one day. You may find you are further along than you think!