Highlights
My Move to Mexico
What is the Tao Inspired Living Community?
Job Opportunities in Paradise
Facebook Community
Next Book Project
A few Lessons from the Tropics
--------------------------------------------------------------------My Move to Mexico
Well, after my 3000+ mile drive with my father-in-law, from Tucson to Tulum - we met Monica and Narayan and began our new life the Riviera Maya on the Carribean Sea in Mexico. We now live in a VERY small beach town called Akumal, about 30 minutes south of world famous Playa Del Carmen. Fortunately NONE of the fears or concerns people have shared with us about Mexico have been true in any way.
This is possibly the safest region in Mexico, and the people have all been so kind and helpful, the food is amazing everywhere, and the landscape is nothing short of paradise. White sand beaches, turquoise warm ocean waters, magical birds and other creatures in the lush green ever-present jungle... we love the weather, the culture, the cost of living... and there is an attitude here that places a great emphasis on relationships and quality of life which we love.... we are health and happy and look forward to your visit!
Thank you all for your interest and notes of support!
What is the Tao Inspired Living Community?
Ok, the big question is why the heck did Jonathan give up everything he had to go to Mexico? Well, first of all, the number one motive was quality of life. The second was inspiration! I have become completely inspired by a new project called the Tao Inspired Living Community! I am honored to be the new CEO of a development that blends a residential community with a retreat center, health food cafes, eco chic boutique and a world class wellness center, with an overall focus on inspired health - wellbeing that comes from a deeper sense of connection to self, nature, spirit, family and friends. Our residents aren't just buying a home or an investment; they are joining a global community of life-long learners and people committed to embracing the fullness of life.
Opportunities & Jobs in Paradise!
So my new world is full of opportunity for others. Obviously we'd love to see you a home (we are one third sold out already and haven't even opened yet!), but there is much more...
If you are a group leader, speaker, consultant, yoga teacher, author, or even coordinate retreats of any kind, we are offering a revenue sharing program with all partners who bring people to our retreat hotel. In addition to discounts on our boutique 24 room Retreat Hotel, group leaders share in the room revenue and a commission from any sales that may result from your group's visit!
We are also looking for sales leaders and to add to our already amazing team of sales people... on our team everything begins with the mission, so if you believe in a life in balance and want to share that with the world through your talents in sales or in any field, please drop me a line at
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Facebook Community
My Facebook community remains strong and active and people seem to really like the new posts about life between the jungle and the sea. Since I don't do newsletters much anymore, it’s the best way to get my updates. See you there!
Next Book Project
Stay tuned - the end of summer we expect to release my digital book project called "GOD WORKS,” which is a multimedia application exploring the nature of God and Spirit.
A Few Lessons form the Tropics
Before I close, let me share a few things that I have changed since moving here to the Riviera Maya
- More time in nature - walking or swimming everyday!
- More play time with family and friends. Not always an event or obligation, or lesson or class... just good old fashion picnics, seeing new things, and exploring our world together.
- Less time on email and phones.... much less.
- No more TV in my life! Just the movies we choose.
- Getting our news through print, radio and Internet.
- Eating smaller portions.
- Setting firm boundaries between work and home time.
Try a few and let me know how it goes!
With blessings,
Jonathan
Gaga for my Guru pt 3: Give yourself permission
Written by Jonathan Ellerby
In my on-going tribute to the spiritual teachings to be found in pop star Lady Gaga, I want to highlight a profound gift she offers that is often misunderstood: permission.
In most religions and cultures around the world there have been sacred clowns, holy fools, and mystic mavericks that have the special role of breaking rules and norms in order to help the society evolve and grow. These crazy teachers typically live and operate outside the norms of their society and a critical function is to remind people that the dogma and rules of the community are intended to liberate people and not keep them stuck. When we become too attached to our roles, rules and assumptions about morality, they cease to function well.
Our traditions are at their best when they are dynamic, responsive and pointing us to a higher mystery and power than what we control as people.
Lady Gaga defies boundaries and some people think she “goes too far” or “makes no sense” or “offends the dominant cultural norms”… well, that’s the whole point. The biggest trap that most people are caught in is finding the sense of permission they need to make a change, ask for help, or choose a new direction in life. The biggest challenge most of my clients face is not a lack of clarity about what they love to do, but a lack of permission to act on it. When people like Lady gaga break massive taboos and norms, it’s a simple way of saying, “if I can do this, then surely your views, needs and tastes cannot be that ridiculous.”
In what area of your life do you wish you had more permission? Work, family, love??? Remember, permission is not something given, it’s something felt. Don’t wait for permission; choose your life.
In my ongoing saga of Lady Gaga insights and inspirations, I’d like to discuss a theme at her Monster’s Ball that really stopped me in my tracks and got me thinking. She kept saying things about not letting other people tell you who to be, and “choose who you want to be.” At first these don’t seem like very new or original messages. I spent much of last year promoting my book, Inspiration Deficit Disorder, which was all about finding, feeding, and choosing to be your truest self.
But my guru Gaga somehow spoke the same message in a way that translates into a radically different and important message that even I missed clarifying in recent years. In essence, my summary of what I heard in her message is choose yourself, which is different than be yourself. Be yourself implies that authenticity is best and that it is actually possible and better to know who you “really are” sooner than later.
Choose yourself, my new mantra, means that if we really want to be spiritual about all things, than we have to remove judgment even from the embrace of true self. Instead we offer empowerment, education and choice – then it’s up to you. Choose yourself means you can be anything, anyone, anyway, but you have to accept the consequences. If you want health and happiness, then of course I’d advise you to choose your most authentic self for a million reasons that I and a million others have written about. BUT, in the end it is still your choice. Maybe you don’t feel up to the journey of self-discovery, maybe you need to explore your shadow, or may you have some mistakes you need to make and learn from! There a so many paths a person takes in a life in order to learn, to love, to grow, to explore. They might not all be “authentic” in some abstract ultimate sense, but they are all choices and that’s what matters.
CHOOSE YOURSELF is about knowing your identity is not fixed and that we choose our stories, actions, assumptions and how we treat others and let them treat us every day. The wisdom of choose yourself lies not in the promise of a perfect life, or advice on what to choose, but instead it is about freedom, permission and awareness that identity and self-concept is a choice. It’s a powerful idea because it shapes your health, your mental state, your relationships, and your experience of the world. You can wake up and say “I am a healer” or “I am a renegade” or “I am an artist” or “I am a financial wizard” or “I am a gleaming spark of God” – it’s a choice. But as they say, with great power comes great responsibility. Once you have made your choice, can you live it fully? Can you be consistent? Will you be accountable? And in the end, if you need to, will you learn and grow and change and then choose yourself again? My tip for today, every day you wake up, take a few deep breaths, and choose yourself.
Ok, so to begin, I am not a big fan of TV or pop culture in general, and while I think everything has its place in the world, I wasn’t overly interested in Lady Gaga a week ago. I certainly knew who she was and of course lots of her songs are catchy – but a “meat suit” – really??? It just didn’t seem worth following.
Then came my mom’s 70th birthday and my wife and I wanted to do something fun, memorable and uniquely honoring my mother’s eternal youth, love of rock and pop culture and wildly open mindedness… so what else could we do? We took her to the hippest biggest tour of the season: LADY GAGA MONSTER’S BALL.
My mom and wife LOVED every minute of the journey – from the moment they started to plan their “outfits” to the dinner before (at a restaurant full of insanely dressed Gaga fans) and of course the “Broadway, meets Madonna, meets LSD, meets a massive LGBT pride parade, future disco rave” show itself…
Me, well….
If you don’t know me, I have a PhD in Comparative Religion, I am an ordained interfaith minister, trained as a chaplain, and business consultant and author of a few books including “Return to the Sacred” and “Inspiration Deficit Disorder,” both with Hay House books. I have been a director at Canyon Ranch Health resorts, an executive director at a major Canadian healthcare management company, and have been featured as an expert in books, films, radio, TV – the likes of Larry King Live, Yoga Journal, In Session TV, CNN, etc. etc. etc.
Why do I say all this? To blow my own horn? To promote myself? No. I say these things to make my comments very clear.
As of March 26, 2011, the night of the Monster’s Ball, The Gaga is my Guru!!!
No, really! I loved this show and the woman herself! It was fantastic . My taste in clothing (or lack of it) and music is not always the same as hers, but she embodies something extraordinary and I have to honor it and follow it. Who knows if she was always like this, or not, or why she started on this road or not… Gossip is gossip and you can judge the past all you like. But in this moment she has been transformed into more than an icon and she is using her status to raise huge amounts of money for charity, huge amounts of awareness for disenfranchised groups and maintains a bizarre kind of artistic integrity that shows that you can be in the world and not of it at the same time.
That’s why I am going to dedicate a mini-blog series to the Wisdom of Lady Gaga (as I see it). If you love her it is worth reading, but if you don’t get her yet, it makes it more worth reading…!
So, before concluding Gaga for my Guru part 1, I want to highlight the three core messages she repeated again and again in her show.
- Charity: Vote with your money, support charities, get involved, get educated and align yourself with brands that support your beliefs. Don’t be an ignorant contributor to what you don’t agree with.
- Love Yourself: Its basic, but a universal spiritual and psychologically healing message. This isn’t about narcissism. This is about believing in your innate goodness no matter how high, low, on or off you make think you are. At least know that you are lovable, right now without exception.
- Don’t Let Others Tell You Who To Be: Whether it is about how to be a good mother, a powerful man, your sexuality, ideas success, appearance, you name it – define yourself from within. Trust your intuition, your calling, your passions and sense of purpose and true nature. My book Inspiration Deficit Disorder says this a thousand different ways and gives you the tools to make it happen – but Gaga can do it in about 4 minutes with a song, an outrageous outfit and imagery that simply blows away all stereotypes, sense of judgment and control. It about PERMISSION and FREEDOM to choose.
A Force Of Nature: A Friend Follows Her Calling
Written by Jonathan Ellerby
There are many ways to be rewarded in life. For me one of the greatest honors is not only to work with people to help them on their journeys, but the actually privilege of witnessing change and becoming a part of someone else’s story. In some cases this is more true than others. In the case of Margaret Roach, I literally became a part of her story in her fabulous new memoir “and I shall have some peace there.”
I’ll never forget when we met more than 5 years ago. I was working at Miraval resort as a spiritual coach and she was a very powerful VP in the Martha Stewart Empire at the time. With a long list of accomplishments and accolades to her credit, there was something about Margaret that betrayed it all. I knew she had style and influence and a lot of social status, but there seemed to be another force working inside her: a deep love of nature and her garden. During our sessions wandering the desert or discussing my divining stones in the shade of a mesquite tree, something became clear to me – that Margaret, like it or not, was destined to be a steward of the Earth, a goddess of the garden and an advocate for the natural world. Sure she seemed like a savvy New York executive, but a old school shaman of sorts seemed to be lurking below the surface.
Well, it was obvious to me, but Margaret, with her dry wit and New York style was startled: half surprised and half intrigued that I might see such things in her. Over the following years we connected and reconnect through my role as Spiritual Program Director at Canyon Ranch. I was amazed and inspired to watch the bold and dramatically inspiring steps she took as she gave up her power-position, moved full time to a rustic setting in the Massachusetts countryside and dove into her passion for gardening, communing with critters and writing.
Her website Away to Garden has infiltrated the gardening world like a fertile vine, and her incredible photos, garden guidance and witty wisdom are abundant. Margaret understands what it means to observe, manage, master and be humbled by the forces of nature. Looking back at our times together, and reading her memoir, I truly feel that Margaret is a force of nature herself. MORE magazine thinks so as well, and they have featured a lovely excerpt from her new book – which just happens to feature very lucky Jonathan Ellerby.
I am so thrilled to know Margaret, to watch her new life unfolding and blossoming like the brugmansia she grows. Her memoir is a lesson for our era, consider: significance not success; purpose not power; and staying to committed to what matters most, even when the world wants you to play a different game. Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell once said, and see what grows.
Enter to Win Margaret Roach's Amazing Book!
I am pleased to have the chance to share this wonderful book with you--so pleased, in fact, that I've decided to offer you the chance to win a free copy of and I shall have some peace there!
To enter, simply answer this question: Where do find your peace? (or just leave a short comment, if you prefer)
Want more chances to win? Visit Margaret's blog for the chance to win a gift set of my books, "Return to the Sacred" and "Inspiration Deficit Disorder."
Highlights:
- New career for me!
- Free teleseminar February 1st
- New spiritual awakening course in February!
- Help someone live their dreams
- A wonderful new release by Colette Baron-Reed
Massive Change in 2011!
In the final weeks of 2010, I was reconsidering my role at Canyon Ranch Health resorts and was searching my heart and the landscape of possibilities to see what the right fit would truly be. Amazingly difficult as it was, January 9th I made the clear decision to resign from Canyon Ranch Health resorts and to make room for new exploration and change.
Monday the 10th of January in a mutually warm and supportive meeting, I submitted my resignation to the CEO of Canyon Ranch and immediately let my inner circle of contacts and prospective job opportunities know that was now “available for work - immediately.”
Would you believe I had four of the most amazing offers show up within days – in some cases, hours. Some were surprising and some were extensions of things I had been exploring… but there was one opportunity, a chance to consult on a project that I was so very excited about and so very hopeful for. Except they didn’t offer me the job as consultant to their project.
Instead they offered me the position of CEO!!
As of Monday January 23, 2011 I will be the new CEO of the Tao Center for Inspired Living in the Riviera Maya – Mexico. This is one of the most beautiful, safe and culturally rich areas in Mexico. From the massive and astonishing Mayan empire to the modern Caribbean and European influences, the Riviera Maya is an extraordinary place to raise a family, work, retire, or own a second home. If you have interest in being a part of an intentional community of people commited to wellness of body, mind and spirit, then check the Tao Center site.
In fact, if you know anyone who works from home, has retired, or seeks an affordable second home, and dreams of an ideal life living close to nature, fitness, clean living, soulful neighbors, and a warm romantic setting… send them my way. I can actually offer you a percent of any home-sale you refer! Or come visit!!! The property is a beautiful jungle setting, 5 minutes or less from the ocean, 15 minutes from Mayan ruins, 30 minutes from the city of Playa Del Carmen, and is adjacent to a world class Trent Jones 36 hole golf-course (for those of you who golf).
My wife will direct and manage the boutique – a dream come true for her, and our son will be exposed to an international community, the Spanish language and all the sun, jungle, surf and local culture we can manage…
It's come very quickly, and in a more wonderful way than we could imagine. We know and love the developer behind the project and hope that some of you will join us!
FREE TELESEMINARS
Don’t forget! The FREE teleseminar on Mastering Connection takes place February 1st! Visit the site for details topics covered and sign up now!.
AWAKENING SPIRIT Courses
There are a few spots left in the online and in person Awakening Spirit courses which begin February 16th! You can learn more here.
Help Someone Live their Dreams
Don’t forget anyone whom you refer to me who ends up purchasing a home in the new development I will be running will generate a commission for you. Please contact me for more details and feel free to spread the word!
A Wonderful new Release
From the amazing Collette Baron-Reed, a gifted teacher, author and friend, I highly recommend this new book of hers, The Map!Today I have joined with my colleague Colette Baron-Reid to offer you an astonishing treasure chest of gifts and prizes worth over $20,000.
The gifts and prizes are from some of the biggest names in the field of personal growth… spiritual growth… relationship building… mind body healing… Life Coaching and Meditation… ALL FOR F*R*E*E
Colette herself is offering a prize to Spend a Day with Colette (worth $4250), and several prizes to attend a One Day Workshop in the beautiful coastal town of Portsmouth, NH. And, there's a list of author gifts that's just too long for this email, including an iPad up for grabs.
Go see for yourself!
WHY are she and her colleagues being so generous?
Colette has just launched her new book, The MAP: Finding The Magic And Meaning in The Story Of Your Life.
And to celebrate the launch of this incredibly revolutionary book, we’ve rallied around her to give her book the recognition it deserves and to encourage YOU to discover this brilliant new process. It's but once in a few years that a book comes along like this that really captures the attention of so many people, and I highly recommend you check out The Map now!
Highlights:
- Confessions and New Directions
- Two New “Spiritual Study, Mentoring Mysticism” Groups Announced!
- Updates: New Website, New Podcast, New iBook development and more!!
- Recommendations for 2011
A Confession, A New Direction, and A New Year!
When you look at the Unchanging Existence from the outside,
you call it God;
When you look at from the inside
you call it “self.”
It is but one.
Swami Vivekananda
In 2010 I was blessed to have another book release, Inspiration Deficit Disorder, and I am thrilled at its success and the clear interest that continues. The world is hungry for balance, wholeness and a sense of restored inspiration. People want to put end to stress and reactive behaviors. As I traveled, spoke to groups, and appeared on TV and radio, a recurring set of popular questions followed me – “how do I find myself?,” “how do I know my calling,” and “what if my calling is not going to be liked or accepted by those I surround myself with?”
To each question I provide simple, (hopefully) clear, practical answers. Yet with each time I answered the questions for others, an echo grew in my own mind. “Am I being true to myself?,” “Has my calling evolved or changed?,” “Am I passionate about what I teach,” and “If approval and income weren’t issues, what would I be teaching and writing about?”
Like a seed slowly watered and fed by the light of teaching what I most needed to learn, I discovered that I too was drifting away from what is core to me. I realized that in the pace of work and responding to the requests of the world, I was slipping from a deeper request that was growing within me: Return to the Sacred!
My own message of how I understand healing, peace and transformation was missing a key ingredient. It is an ingredient I have written into both Return to the Sacred and Inspiration Deficit Disorder, and yet it is typically minimized or omitted from my day to day work – though it remains core to my day to day identity. That missing ingredient is GOD.
There, I said it!
GOD. G-o-d. No not “a God”, not “my God,” not the God of one group or another. But GOD – the Ultimate Source, Force and Substance Before, Within, and Beyond All Things. God. You may call it a Higher Power, or Spirit, Universal Energy, Consciousness, Great Spirit, Holy Spirit, Christ, Allah, Shiva, or any of the infinite names for that which is ultimately un-namable. The simple truth is that an awakening to the ultimate reality and direct experience of God was what started my path as a child, it’s what has fueled my journey, and it’s what keeps me in balance, connected and inspired. My understanding and experience of God is quite literally the foundation of who I am and all I do. Yet, my clients, audience members and coworkers rarely ask me to speak directly to the topic.
All research and surveys about God show that most people in the world believe in some form of God or higher power and most people pray. Even many atheists who reject the idea of a personal God, believe in governing forces, laws of nature, and the poetry of the natural world. Nevertheless, the topic remains almost taboo in social settings and is generally kept out of “credible” mainstream spirituality and personal growth, unless it falls under a clear religious framework. As far as television and mainstream print media, saying God is worse than saying a curse word, and there is more time and money for reality shows about conflict, materialism and vanity than there is space for discussing our ultimate origin.
So, I am going to make a change. I will begin 2011 with a commitment to promote, renew, and challenge the conversation about and with God. The majority of my personal work and teaching will address what some would call “God-Realization,” mysticism and the awakening of consciousness. This is a topic well covered and studied by many special interest groups, but not in our mainstream mind…
If this is not for you, then it is with much love and gratitude that I thank you for joining me this far, and wish you only blessings. Remember, the door is always open, and Only God Is Real. Of course my work in the areas of spirituality and its relationship to stress, health and achieving life balance at Canyon Ranch will continue as is, and my external consulting and speaking work will remain driven by the work that shows up.
For those who wish to continue to join me in 2011, I look forward to engaging you on topics like God and Science, God and healing, God and religion, Peacemaking, religious war, God and ecology, and whatever else you want to talk about.
Thank you for joining me this far, and may you all have a wonderful, healthy and enlightening 2011!!!
God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that.
Joseph Campbell
You Asked For It: Two New Study Groups!
Many of you have asked for more intimate ways to study with me, and there are a lot of people who are looking for mentorship, spiritual study and a sense of spiritual community. Starting in February 2011 I’ll be offering an in-person Tucson based spiritual study/mentoring mysticism group and an online program as well. These short programs will be entirely focused on the exploration of God-realization, non-dual awareness in daily living, oneness consciousness, and the experience of Spiritual Enlightenment. The online program will happen by Skype so you can be on the line in audio only (via phone) or with video via Skype! Please follow this link to let us know of your interest and we’ll include you on the study group updates and details.
Also, don't forget that we are offering two free teleseminars on mastering energy and connection at the end of this month!
What’s Next?
New Website – stay tuned for a brand new look and feel to my website!
New Podcast – I’ll soon be starting a new podcast, focusing on interviews with thought leaders from diverse fields and we’ll be discussing and debating the existence and nature of God and Spiritual Enlightenment.
New iBook! Yes, by spring of 2011 I will be releasing an incredible multimedia book experience that will include audio, video and imagery. The working title: ONLY GOD IS REAL: HOW SCIENCE AND SPIRITUALITY GOT IT WRONG.
Facebook and Twitter will continue to a big part of my daily and weekly outreach.
New Vlogs – Video blogs with short commentaries, inspiring thoughts and challenging questions will become a more central part of my work and commitment to connect with the world.
I’ll still be a part of my greater community of wellness, spirituality and personal growth authors and teachers and I’ll continue to inform people of great new events and products through my webpage, Facebook, Twitter and seasonal newsletters.
New Year Recommendations
Three great new releases I am excited about right now are:
Soulmate Secret
by Arielle Ford
Have you ever wondered what it takes to find the love of your life?
Is it your dream to find a life-partner who will love, cherish and adore you?
Learn how in The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life With the Law of Attraction by Arielle Ford
Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for
love. Arielle Ford knows this from experience. She used the techniques in this book to bring her soulmate into
her life at age forty-four. They were engaged three weeks later and have been happily married for over ten years.
The techniques, rituals, and projects found within The Soulmate Secret will allow you to prepare your home, body, mind, and spirit for the soulmate your heart truly desires.
The Soulmate Secret works for men and women of all ages. It even worked for Arielle’s 80 year old mother-in-law, Peggy.
Earth Magic Oracle Cards
by Steven D. Farmer
Dr. Steven D. Farmer is the author of the bestselling Animal Spirit Guides, Power Animal Oracle Cards, Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides Oracle Cards, Power Animals, Sacred Ceremony, Messages from Your Animal Spirit Guides guided meditation CD, Earth Magic: Ancient Shamanic Wisdom for Healing Yourself, Others, and the Planet, and the newly releasedEarth Magic Oracle Cards. He's also host of his own radio show, Earth Magic Radio on ContactTalkRadio.com. Dr. Farmer is a Soul Healer, shamanic practitioner, ordained minister, and former psychotherapist, offering workshops on Soul Healing, various shamanic topics and private consultations. He makes his home in Laguna Beach, California with his wife, Jesseca and her two children, Serena and Ariannna.
Fried
by Joan Borysenco
Hope the new year brings you many good things.
Blessings,
Jonathan Ellerby
Three Questions That Could Save Your Life
Written by Jonathan Ellerby
It is common medical knowledge that the vast majority of visits to the family doctor are stress-related. Moreover, we know with scientific certainty that stress, a sense of despair, and/or a lack of motivation can complicate most any surgery and aggravate nearly any condition. One of the core messages in my book Inspiration Deficit Disorder is that a sense of joy, inner peace and purpose are not luxuries or qualities reserved for the psychologically inclined - such qualities are critical to health in every sense of the word.
Among the many tools I teach and use are three simple questions that could change your life. You can ask yourself these questions when you feel stuck to gain perspective, you can sit quietly and review them every morning, you can review these questions when you are on retreat, or when faced with a big decision. The questions are:
Who am I - really? (Do my roles define me or do I define my roles, am I caught in stories of who I should be?)
What matters most? (Have my priorities slipped, am I worrying about the right things, do my choices reflect my values?)
Which relationships are truly important? (Do I demonstrate honor and respect for those I love, do I appreciate those I depend on, do I make time to enjoy those I feel supported by?)
Ask these three questions as often as you need to until you feel clear and satisfied with your answers. Then after time has passed, review the questions again.
Your answers to these three questions should be your guiding light in difficult times and the vision that keeps you on track and grateful in good times.
He and I met in a rehabilitation hospital in Winnipeg, Canada. At the time, I was an intern in a spiritual counseling chaplaincy program. I was making my rounds, checking on the patients of the spinal-cord-injury wing. As I approached the last room in the long, wide corridor, a pretty woman, about 30 years old, had just left with two beautiful young girls, maybe ages five and eight.
I knocked on the door and a man's bright voice answered, "Come on in!" A bit surprised, I walked in and glanced around the room. One of the beds was empty, and in the other was a young man about 33 years of age. He had a mustache and shaggy shoulder-length brown hair that was brushed back. I introduced myself, and he told me that his name was Alex.
I explained why I was there and let him know that if he needed someone to talk to, I'd be happy to hang out for a while. He asked about the title of my department, saying, "'Spiritual Care,' huh? Is that like religion?"
"Well," I stammered, unsure of his perspective, "for some, it could be about religion. But spirituality is really more personal. It's about how you answer the big questions in life: what matters, why you are here, which relationships are most important—stuff like that. I try to help people answer those questions."
"Ah, I see. I'm glad you do. I'll tell you what . . . I don't know how I'd make it through this if I didn't know them things. But sure as shit, I'm clear about true things!"
Alex's confidence and word choice confused me. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"I might not know much, but I know enough. My dad made sure of that. He said that in life there are 'true things,' and as long as you know some true things, you can get through anything. Now that I'm in a bit of a predicament, I see he was right. The true things always last."
Intrigued, I sat down beside his bed. "Tell me more about 'true things,' Alex."
"Sure. First off, my true things aren't your true things. For me, they've always been the smell of a campfire, the feeling of the soft earth in the spring after the snow melts, the smell of wet hay in the fields, old Chevy trucks, and the music of John Denver and Gordon Lightfoot." He grinned and got a far-off look in his eyes.
"One month ago I was in an accident on an icy road. I'd been putting off getting new tires with a better tread for the winter because I wanted to save money. I was working as a plumber's assistant. One night I was driving home from work and hit a patch of ice. My car started to spin out of control, and I skidded right into a lane of oncoming traffic . . . and bam! I was hit in the driver's side by a big ol' semitrailer.
"My car was pretty much crushed, and so was I. My legs were broken in a bunch of places, and my spine was damaged, too. They say I'll never walk again.
"Who could have seen that coming?! Now we're shopping for a handicap van for me and my wheelchair. My brother is building ramps in every part of our house you can imagine so that when I get home, life can go on. And it will . . . because that's a true thing. Life always goes on—you can count on that. You just have to decide if your life is going to go on!"
"Aren't you angry? You're a very young man to face something like this," I offered.
"Well, I was at first. Mad at myself and feeling guilty for not fixing my tires. Angry at the ice on the road. Angry at the truck coming my way. But then I realize that I'm glad I didn't crash into a car with a family in it. Others could have been hurt. It could have been worse. I could have been killed. There are a lot of maybes in any situation, but I can only face the true things: I'm here and I'm glad.
"I love my wife and two little girls more than the world. That's a true thing. I'd do anything for them, and the last thing I'd ever want is to leave them without a daddy. My family is the most important thing to me. That's a true thing. I've seen other folks in here. They lose their ability to walk, have sex, or what have you . . . and yeah, it's awful. But you know what is more awful is that they get so sad and angry that they lose everything else, too. They pay so much damn attention to what they lost and who they used to be that they can't see what they have. That's what my dad would call a wasted life. I guess they just don't understand true things."
"You have a smart dad," I added.
"Yes, and I'll make him proud. I know he's watching over me, remindin' me to be grateful. I survived, I still have my family, no one else was hurt, and I still got my hands. I was always good with my hands . . . I'll find something else to do.
"My motto has always been to stick close to the ones I love, try to brighten other people's day, and find a way to get the bills paid on time. The true things about me can't be wrecked in a car crash—they're mine and they're untouchable. That's how I know I'll be fine."
I never found out what became of Alex, but I'll never forget the way he inspired me with his spirit and his "true things." I still feel emotional when I think of how courageous and positive he was. Somehow he knew that if he just stayed soul centered, everything else would be okay. I'm sure that it was.
It’s fun how complicated and simple all this personal growth stuff can be. In some moments we become mired in self-analysis, a desire to understand and transform, and the very process itself keeps us stuck. We can become fixed on “getting it right” and “figuring it out.” Other times, it all seems so simple; it’s hard to imagine we were ever stuck.
A simple rule of thumb I remember from kindergarten is, “be nice.” In any given moment, whether its psychologically loaded or an issue of little meaning, you can always take a deep breath, then take another deep breath, step away from the situation for just a moment (in your mind or physically) and then simple ask yourself, “how can I be nice.” It means “how can I bring kindness to my thoughts and actions.” You don’t need to analyze or understand the reaction you are having or the other person’s motives. You can just be compassionate – be nice. You know what that looks like. Don’t wait for the perfect feeling or motive, just be nice.
One note – remember that being nice doesn’t mean being a doormat for others or always giving people what they want. “Be nice” goes both ways… for you and what you are dealing with. Mutual kindness. Try it for one day. You may find you are further along than you think!